Seeking to Understand

I am not sure If I can really establish any credibility on this subject, but I have thoughts and they will drive me crazy if I don't get them out. One way I try to have a fulfilling life is by seeking to understand those important to me. I can't think of a better feeling than being understood I want to provide that feeling for as many people in my life as possible. Here is where my credibility goes down the drain, I feel I hardly succeed. I won't ever stop trying though.

I was introduced to a term "love maps" by a book I don't remember the title or author of. In its most base form, a love map would be a list of things you know about a person. Keeping track of likes and dislikes you know trying to keep track of the people you love. That is a surprisingly good place to start for some people. Knowing facts about people is an important place to start for our journey of understanding.

I have seen people create strict definitions of their personalities based on their list of likes and dislikes. I have always thought that personality is not defined by what they like but how they like. Oh, you like the color green that's great but what do you do about it? Do you accidentally buy and wear all green outfits? Do you stare at green things and appreciate their beauty? Do you wish you could paint your hallway green, but grey is in style, so you don't want to ruin your houses resale value? There are endless ways to like green and none of them can be measured against each other. No How is better than another. My goal is to never treat someone as just a list.

Getting to know and understand someone has to include their How. This can be partially understood by paying attention or observing the people you love. Notice how someone treats their interests or hobbies. Notice how someone reacts when they don't like something. Noticing these things will start to transform your perception of a person from a list to a blob vaguely resembling a person. This person shaped blob is important to you, and it only exists in your mind. This is the beginning of anthropomorphizing a list into a real person. I might be technically using that word wrong but if your perception of other people is too basic, they might as well be an inanimate object.

You can make Blobs of almost anyone. Blobs are important to you they have eyes and little faces. I'm calling them Blobs because they are incomplete and changeable. A Blob can tell you something about themselves and it will suddenly completely change their shape in your mind. Remember that this cute little blob is just your perception of other people. While you can make Blobs of basically everyone the only way to solidify one into a person is through communication. Talking to a Blob will turn them into a person if you seek to understand the next part their why.

Communication is what turns Blobs into people.

I don't believe we are capable of understanding someone until you talk to them. Communicating is the essential step to move your perception from your inner world to the real outside world. I can be absolutely certain of someone's Whys and Hows. I can believe I know their motivations and reasoning, but they will never be more than a blob until I talk to them. Until we use communication to combine our perceptions and perspectives into a reality. Understanding can never be a one-way road. You will also have to accept that communication is flawed we will not really perfectly know or understand one another. The great message from that idea is that understanding is not a destination. Understanding is something you do with those you love as often as you can.

Why do you like green? That is a question that is sometimes unanswerable. When I like something I more often than not do not have an answer for that question. This is where the importance and magic of trying to understand becomes beautiful. Your act of communicating with the intent of understanding not only helps you understand others it ultimately helps them understand themselves. Its brilliant! Understanding shines light and brings clarity to both parties. Explaining something you love to someone who genuinely wants to understand is equally as satisfying as feeling like you understand somebody better.

Maybe none of this makes sense. Understanding is not something you can ever stop doing to maintain your relationships. It's necessary and in my opinion is one of the foundational aspects of living a fulfilling life. Either this makes sense or I just wrote the words Understanding, Why, How, and Blob enough times that they have no meaning .I need more practice writing. I hope you understand.